Come in from the Cold

An Unprompted Freewriting

As an unprompted freewriting, I love that I’m taken places my imagination wants to go without my consent. This one, though, snuck up on me. I wasn’t expecting the vulnerability and “baggage” of the FMC instead of… well, sex. So, know that this isn’t my typical content but it is what needed to be written at the time. XOXO

Photo by Brian Wangenheim on Unsplash

I reach for the nob, twisting until the heater blasts through the car vents. Warm air fighting with the chill that’s settled deep into my bones.

Glancing up at the house I scan each window for evidence of life and find none. He said he’d be home hours ago, I’ve been waiting for the text, but still nothing.

Everything about our relationship is new and I’m still not sure I can trust him. I mean, I’ve only known him a month. I’m trying, though.

From the outside it probably just looks like stalking, or at the very least distrust, and maybe it is a little. But really, I’m just excited to be with someone so outgoing and kind. It’s me I don’t trust. I’ve ignored red flags in every guy I’ve dated until now and so I just want to be careful.

But so far all he’s done is pamper me. I love the way his hand moves along my lower back when leading me across the room. Those sparkling eyes when he finds me in a crowd. The smell of his cologne on my clothes long after we’re apart.

Headlights approach from down the road and I can feel that it’s him even though I don’t know what kind of car he’s in.

My heart beats faster at the thought of seeing him again, even just for a moment while he walks up his driveway and disappears into his house.

The phone buzzes from the cup holder before the Uber even crosses onto the property.

“I’m home,” it reads.

He’s home. He told me he’d text me and he did. There was no reason to worry, but now I stare at my phone as I’m presented with a decision. I can come clean and let him see the insecurities I carry like a scarlet letter, or I can keep pretending I’m “normal.”

Before I can figure out what I’m going to do, there is a knock on my window.

Shit.

I can’t look. I know it’s him and I can’t bare to see the judgement and pity those eyes will hold. I’ve seen it so many times before.

Another knock and I can hear my name, dampened by the glass.

Dammit. I can’t just drive off and pretend I’d gone unseen; block his number and never think about him again. It’s not practical. I’ve got to put my big girl panties on and face the music.

My finger finds the button in the dark and the window squeaks on it’s way down.

“Hey! I wasn’t sure I’d see you tonight,” he says. There’s no condescending tone, no disgust.

I’m so confused, I look up and see excitement. Surprise. Adoration.

What in the world? Could this really be happening?

“Yeah, I… um…” I what? How do I explain what I’m doing here?

“Unlock and I’ll sit with you unless you want to come in. It’s pretty cold out here.”

Before I can answer, he’s gone. Rounding the car on his way to the passenger side, so I unlock the car and wait, watching that contagious smile and the slight bounce on his way to me.

Sliding in, huffing away the chill, and placing his hands directly in front of the heater vents, the whole car lights up with his presence.

“Have you been here long? It’s so toasty in here.”

“Yeah… Well, sort of… When you didn’t text…”

“I’m so sorry! My phone died and Peter had a breakdown… mentally, not like in the car or anything, but I felt like he needed someone to be there. The Uber had a charger so I… Oh! That reminds me! Can I plug in?”

He grabs the cable coming out of my USB port and wiggles it into his phone. The screen lights up and I can see in the corner it’s on 6%.

He was telling the truth.

Leaning over the center console, he puts his face right in front of mine, ready for a kiss. “I missed you so much. How was your day?”

His lips brushed mine for the briefest moment, but it’s long enough to warm my whole body.

Moreso than the actual kiss, it’s the familiarity that does it for me. He claimed me like we’d been together for years. It rang of promise and history. Something I’ve never had before.

“My day? Um… it was good.”

“Were you able to finish that project without stupid Andrea bothering you?”

What is happening right now? Did he actually just ask me about something I’d mentioned yesterday in passing?

“She… um… no. She came into my office twice asking me about something stupid she could have googled.”

“I can’t wait to meet her and see who bugs my baby all day.”

My baby?

This man… While I was suspicious, hesitant, and untrusting, he was…

Listening.

Remembering.

Wondering about me while I was at work.

I feel like such a jack ass.

The baggage I brought with me into this relationship was broken, worn, and dirty. But, no longer. I’m getting rid of all that.

“Joe?” I breath his name out like a plea.

Turning to me, I can see the moment he knows something is going on. His expression went from whimsy to worry with one look at my face.

“What? Oh no! What’s wrong? Did I say something…”

I stop him with a kiss. Stretching over the center console as though it’s not there. I don’t give a shit that my ribs are being crushed by the hard, molded plastic. It means nothing to me compared to the care he’s taking with me.

My tongue finds his, prodding, and hungry. My right hand grips his hair and the left works on his belt buckle until I finally have access.

My palm glides along the length of him, hard and ready.

When I wrap my hand around the base and lift slowly, his breath hitches in my mouth. Now it’s his turn to pray my name.

I can’t get close enough to him. The confines of the car are so frustrating. I want to feel him… All of him.

My knee whacks the gear shift as I climb onto him but I barely feel it. We laugh into each other’s mouths at the awkward maneuvering I have to do in this small space.

Finally, I’m straddling him, skirt riding up my legs which are bent at a painful angle, the sides pushing against the door and center console. Again, I don’t give a shit. My body aches for him and it won’t be sated until I’ve had it all.

“I don’t know what I did to deserve this, but we can go into my house…” I cut him off with another kiss but he gently pushes me away. “My neighbors might see us.”

My teeth find his ear and he moans, all apprehension forgotten as I grind into him.

I’ve never wanted someone so hungrily in my life. I want his body, yes, but more than that I want his attention. The kind of attention that builds me up, makes me feel seen and loved. He could be the person I call when I’m sick, have a flat tire, or just want to lounge on the couch reading books with on Sunday mornings.

The idea of that is so foreign to me that I never thought I could have it… until tonight. Until he showed up.

And now I want to give him all of me.