"True Lies" Turned Me Bi

No, Really...

“True Lies” 20th Century Studios, Universal Pictures, United International Pictures

As most of you probably have guessed, I’m a visual person with a very active imagination. This works in my favor when it comes to writing and, of course, in the bedroom.

Media plays (and played) a huge role in helping develop and hone my imagination. I was always acting out scenes from what I’d watched. I had the best time in my friend’s basement reenacting the swinging across the bridge scene in Star Wars. Princess Leia, in my version, held on with her legs and fired on the storm troopers as they went across. She was more of a Lara Croft at that point. (Another reason I’m bi)

Paramount Pictures

My family didn’t have a lot of money, so we never went to the actual theater to see movies when they were released. We had a Netflix subscription for one DVD at a time and I had to share the queue with my brother. We also had to split half of the fee. ($2.50/month each cut into our allowance more than you’d think)

Now, I know that one cannot be turned gay. It’s hyperbolic. But, my desire was recognized during one certain scene, from one certain movie.

I distinctly remember sitting on the couch when I was maybe 13 or 14 years old with my brother, my mom clanking around in the kitchen probably cleaning up after dinner.

True Lies was one of his picks and I wasn’t looking forward to it. I thought it was just another action flick where they all just shot at each other and crashed cars. Boy was I wrong.

I immediately liked Eliza Dushku’s rebelliousness. As an adult, I now relate to the stale, lackluster relationship between her parents, but back then I just understood that they weren’t doing well… a reflection of my own parents.

Everything shifted into focus for me, though, when Helen Tasker (played by Jamie Lee Curtis), ripped her dress apart in the hotel hallway before entering the room where, unknowingly, her husband, Harry (played by Arnold Schwarzenegger) sat waiting.

She slicked back her hair with water from a nearby vase and… here it is… pulled her tits up by hand to give them a lift. She then stood and posed a little, hyping herself up. Showing herself how sexy she could be before steeling herself and strutting into that room.

Helen was clumsy, antsy, and “off” like me, but when she started to feel the music, she gave in to the sensual woman she was inside.

Her confidence and “letting go” resonated with me but the visuals of her movement stirred inside and I realized, unlike most other movies where I saw myself as the female role, this time I wanted to be with that female.

Her ass. Those tits. How she moved her hips. The way the bra and panties complimented her frame. The way she moved her hands over her body. The way she started out self-conscious and then gave in. The way he looked at her. That finger in her mouth, while she looked over her arm... even the way her lower lip flipped as it was removed.

Yikes. Where was I? That got a little off track.

Before seeing that movie I had become aware of my own sexuality. My body was changing and puberty was making my hormones crazy, but one thing I knew was that I liked guys. I had a few types. One was if Johnny Depp in Cry-Baby had a baby with himself from Chocolat. Another was Nathan Fillion as Mal in Firefly. (Later, when I watched River as a badass fighting the Reavers… yikes. Super hot.. but I hadn’t seen that yet.)

Cry Baby (Universal), Chocolat (Miramax), Firefly (20^th Century Fox)

I liked gritty, raw, unfiltered guys, apparently.

I’m not sure if I knew anyone that was bi-sexual back then. At least, not that I was aware of. My mom had a lesbian friend, and we knew a ton of gay guys from the theater community, but no one who liked both.

When I watched Jamie Lee Curtis do her thing, though. I knew it didn’t matter. I was all in for it anyone.

Now, I identify as Pan-sexual. I can be attracted to just about anyone, regardless of gender. I still have types, of course, and personality goes a long way. But, when I write – and fantasize – I don’t want to leave anyone out.

So, that’s how True Lies made me bi… and into voyeurism but that’s for another article.